morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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