five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
