I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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