dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
