where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
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