This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
