Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
