Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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