I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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