Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
