Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
