Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
