I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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