I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
