It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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