Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
