girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize