I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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