so let's talk penis.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
