Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
