He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
