He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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