I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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