I can text with my tongue
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
