i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
