I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
