Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
