ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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