question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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