Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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