There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
