roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
