nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize
