Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Shame - the story of my life.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
