I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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