My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
