I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Randomize
