You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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