Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
