Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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