Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
