i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize
