I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
