After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
love makes seman taste better
Redeem this text for a blowjob
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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