if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
What a fucking waste of an outfit
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
