Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
