Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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