There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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