The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
