Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
